When was the last time a band could be so successful but at the same time be so heatedly disliked? In just three years, everyone seems to have an opinion of the Jonas Brothers. Some people (see, young teenage girls) worship the ground they walk on, others think they represent the death of rock n’ roll. Surely at least one of these parties must be correct, perhaps even both of them are. But I thought it was high time I made my own decision about the three coiffed heartthrobs from New Jersey. So I asked a fellow staff writer to make me a mix CD of the Brothers Jonas’ musical works. She happily obliged and presented me a compilation featuring the following JB tunes.

The mix CD featured songs from almost all of the Jonas albums, but predominately the Brothers’ 2008 LP, A Little Bit Longer, which was featured on Rolling Stone magazine’s “50 Best Albums of 2008” alongside Bob Dylan, Randy Newman and Connor Oberst. At first, the music geek in me was bothered by the fact that the CD included songs that were out of order and from different albums. But then, it dawned on me that if there was ever band where the order of the songs didn’t matter, it was the Jonas Brothers. With that in mind, I uploaded the songs onto my iPod and began my musical journey into the heart of modern teen pop.

Track 1: “Burning Up” (from the album, A Little Bit Longer) – The first thing that came to mind, curiously, was Maroon 5; specifically “Makes Me Wonder.” Both songs wouldn’t be out of place alongside 80’s bands like Modern English or The Cars. Except that those other bands weren’t lucky enough to score a cameo from hip hop legend Big Rob, who also doubles as the Brothers’ body guard. (Perks to being the body guard for the Jonas Brothers: Being allowed to freestyle on their songs and never getting to show your face in front of your bros again.)

Track 2: “Play My Music” (from the Camp Rock soundtrack)- While track one was about how Kevin, Nick and Joe were able to be as hot as lava, “Play My Music” is an anthem to the awesome power of music, which grants the boys their power to rock out the show and totally not score with groupies. Sure the lyrics are cheesy as heck, but the dopey optimism is hard to hate. Even with lyrics like “Music’s in my soul/I can hear it every day and every night/it’s the one thing on my mind!”

Track 3: “When You Look Me in the Eyes” (from the album, Jonas Brothers); Track 4: “Pushin’ Me Away” (from the album, A Little Bit Longer); Track 5: “A Little Bit Longer” (from the album A Little Bit Longer) – These three tracks are apart of the least enjoyable type of Jonas songs; the super-serious, syrupy ballads. The lyrics are as cheesy as always, but when they’re singing about a bad break-up instead of having “all my heroes singing my favorite songs,” the result is pretty annoying. The patented Jonas nasally-vocals don’t help things either.

Track 6: “Video Girl” (from the album A Little Bit Longer) – Back to the upbeat poppy stuff. But wait; don’t slip on those party-ready skinny jeans yet ladies- this song’s got a message. “Video Girl” is a deep and witty anthem against the vapid, shallow girls that the Brothers have to beat off with a stick. One line that strikes me as telling is when one of the boys (honestly, can anyone tell them apart?) sneers that his mom “doesn’t like” the party-girl that he’s been hanging around with. I guess in the world of Disney rock, that’s a bad thing, meaning that its pretty much the bizarre version of regular rock n’ roll, where a parent’s disapproval of something is pretty much a confirmation that it’s awesome.

Track 7: “Tonight” (from the album A Little Bit Longer) – It’s about having fun at a party. But not too much fun. After all, what would mom say?

Track 8: “Year 3000” (from the album, Jonas Brothers)- Probably one of the dumbest songs I’ve ever heard. It’s fun and bouncy sure, but still dumb as a doornail. Unless of course the Jonas Brothers are in fact prophets and “Year 3000” is in fact they’re way of warning us of a future where humanity lives underwater and are great-great-great granddaughters are, in fact, doing fine. This is unlikely.

Track 9: “Lovebug” (from the album A Little Bit Longer) – This song confuses me. The tune itself is an innocent and G-rated valentine to a new girlfriend, but while the song is being played we are treated to “raw and unrehearsed” audio of the Brothers and their dudes lamenting the fact there isn’t enough pizza or girls around. I think they’re trying to recreate the boyish playfulness of early Beatles, back when they themselves were teen idols. Which is kind of a revelation; at the end of they day the Jonas Brothers are just three dumb kids that became rock stars and are now trying to act like it. Wouldn’t we if ever had the chance?