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With an increasing number of clown scares popping up around the US, TheRiderOnline Staff decided to compile this list in order help save your life in case of a clown-related emergency.
Fight him head on
Buddy system
Get tacos together
Dress like a cop
Be aware of your surroundings at all times
Beg for mercy
Try not to fall down a storm drain in the midst of your terror
Pick up a few classes in Karate or Jiu Jitsu
Bring your own mask to blend in
Throw down a banana peel
Dress as a clown to confuse them
Pepper spray: about $11 at Academy
Try to bond over your shared love for the movie “It”
Play Iggy Azalea
Initiate a glorious rap battle
Always park in well lit areas
Run for your life
Pray
Propose to them, they might say yes!
Run them over with your car at exactly 60.98 MPH
Rapidly throw pies at them with impressive force
Talk to them about your love life (or lack thereof)
Tell them a snake might be close by
Use AP style incorrectly
Have a deep, thought provoking conversation about why they’re doing this…. Then hit him in the face.
Offer to pay for their therapy
Eat pie with them
Ask if they’ve heard the Good News
Tell them they are not being the person Mr. Rogers knew they could be
Make them a Spotify playlist
Mourn over Harambe together
Give them a warm hug and buy them a donut at Twisty Donut
Persuade them into watching Bambi with you
Persuade them that you are Bambi and that you’ve been watching them
Tell them YOU are their father.
Talk to them about how inspirational Bill Nye the Science Guy is.
Tell them to stop clowning around
Make them feel self-conscious about their life choices
Call them bad names
Tell them to learn about the REAL clowns
Ask them if they would like to experience the pure, wholesome aesthetic of the Sweet’N Low website
Show them wholesome memes
Call 911
Try to stay calm and think rationally
Ask yourself, what would John Cena do?
If you see it from afar, ask an adult to check it out and call 911
Initiate your special battle call
Pull flowers from your sleeve and present it to the clown as a gift/peace offering
Hire a bodyguard
Convince them to juggle by throwing balls at them
Fit them into a tiny car
Practice amplifying your screams
Trip them
Hope that they trip over their comically large shoes
Ask them about their political stance and the upcoming election
Keep a weapon, such as a taser, at the ready at all times
Ask them how to make balloon animals
Boop their nose
Serenade them with sweet music
Pull down their knee socks and make a run for it
Start crying (about Harambe’s tragic and untimely death) and hope for sympathy
Tell them to follow TheRiderOnline on Twitter and Instagram
Ask them for their opinion on declining Bee population
Tell them you are the Head Clown, this will confuse them
Summon anything to come help you
Begin singing the National Anthem as you slowly back away. They have no choice but to pause in respect for our nation.
Begin performing Gangnam Style
Impersonate Elvis
Discuss your favorite conspiracy theories
Show them a Jacob Sartorius video
Clap wildly and hope for the best
Ask them to take a selfie with you
Yell “Stranger Danger”
Invite them to the circus
Calm them with Bob Ross videos