An anonymous writer talks about their loneliness and internal confllicts

Throughout your life, you meet various types of people. Every relationship is temporary, but that is not a bad thing. You meet people for a reason; every relationship holds purpose. You learn from the past and use that knowledge to do better in the future.

I made friends, but I also lost some. I would say I lost more than I have –which is the case for most teenagers. Most friend groups condense because of discovering what is really wanted from you. Not everyone says what they mean, and people exaggerate or lie. This needs to be expected and it should not affect you too much.

I met a person whom I considered my best friend. We clicked as soon as we met, and started to text and call all day, with constant plans to hang out. I spent all of my free time with him. He motivated me to do better and told me to worry about myself before I worried about others. Yet, this only made me worry for him more. When we met, he had recently been betrayed, which left him heartbroken. He had trust issues and was scared of loving anyone again; he did not want to ever experience that same kind of pain. I knew that he needed help in order to recover, so I did everything I could to help. I was always there and proved that I would never betray him. He assured me that he would never do so either. He became the first thing I thought about when I woke up, and the last thing I thought about before I went to sleep. I made him my priority above all else. That was my first mistake.

I started to skip classes and put off homework so that I could go hang out. I fell behind quickly, my grades plummeted, and it did not even bother me. I thought that my best friend was more important.

Nothing is more important than yourself and your future.

My future requires education, and I should have focused on that instead. I learned that you should not prioritize people over yourself. The future is affected by the decisions made on a daily basis. Instead of trying to hang out, I should have worried about homework. I now know to not put myself back for any reason. My main priority should always be myself. My future. I do not know who will be in it, so I shouldn’t base decisions off of them. I need to put myself first. I learned this the hard way.

I learned something from every person that I have befriended. My past best friend holds the title of teaching me the most. I had never been betrayed the way he betrayed me. But I know now, anyone can betray you. And that is why you do not prioritize people. They come and go. Having friends is fine, but do not put your all into them. People make excuses for the way they act and try to sugarcoat you with words. But if words do not match actions, then do not believe them.

I had warning signs sometimes and chose to ignore them. My parents and friends warned me, and I decided not to believe them. I thought “Oh they’re just being overprotective,” but I was wrong. The entire time, my parents knew. This friend should never have been trusted. All he did was lie and deceive. Nothing said was meant and I ended up being the one who was left. I found it difficult to believe that he wasn’t who he said he was. I didn’t want to believe it, but it was true. It came as such a shock to me because I truly believed he would never hurt me. I did not think you could hurt someone that helped you through everything. But that’s life, and I know that now.

I learned that I need to worry about myself before others. Love towards others comes and goes, but love for yourself stays.