5: “If beauty were a time, you’d be an eternity.”

Okay, firstly, I would like to clear up the misconception about beauty being a time: it’s not, don’t be stupid. Secondly, there cannot be multiple eternities, so you can only dish out this pickup line once without being a liar. Lastly, calling your “boo thang” an eternity really isn’t a compliment; it’s an insult. You are calling whomever the subject of your affection all that ever did and will exist; you are calling them old.

4: “Hi, I’m Mister (Miss) Right. I heard you’ve been looking for me.”

Let’s be honest: only a guy would dare use this line (or any of the lines on this list, for that matter). This pickup line really should not exist. It’s just kind of bad. Maybe they weren’t looking for Mister/Miss Right; maybe they wanted Mister/Miss Wrong, you don’t know their life. You know what they say about people who assume.

3: “I lost my phone number, can I have yours?”

Honestly, I would give someone my number if they asked- I like making new friends. Most people, however, are not as eager as I am to stock up connections on LinkedIn (Just kidding, who under the age of 30 has a LinkedIn account?). Also, most phones have a feature which allows you to look at your number in the settings. Learn to use your technology, kiddo.

2: “Do your feet hurt? Because you’ve been running through my mind all day.”

No. Just no. I really should not have to elaborate on why this is a big, fat no-no, but I will anyway. In all likelihood, you were not thinking about the person you happen to be saying this too and they probably won’t be thinking of you much after your imminent rejection. Their feet aren’t hurting; you aren’t clever; do not ever (and I do mean ever) quit your job to become a comedy writer, unless you enjoy writing for Grade-D movies staring Rob Schneider.

1: “Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?”

Heaven’s never a good thing to bring up in situations where a “social connection” (wink wink) can be formed, especially if you haven’t the slightest clue who the person is. They could be an atheist or a nihilist or any of the other eighty bazillion ways of saying, “I do not believe in Heaven, leave me alone, señor McCreep.” For real, if he/she did fall from heaven, they would have AT LEAST 75 percent of their bones broken.