I think it would be true of me to say that most high school students experience stress in some form. There are grades to keep up, jobs to work and friendships that need dedication. In a sense, we do not just go to high school, we constantly prepare for the vast future that lays right in front of us and that can be some pretty stressful stuff. So, like any other high school student, I too experience my share of stress and anxiety. Others might say I have even more stress than some, as I am taking several AP classes and going to work for 15 hours a week. They would be correct. However, my stress and anxiety was not a result of any class, any teacher or any assignment. The stress came from me.

Now for some people, procrastination (the fine art of putting off something that you must do) may pop up in their life every now and then. Unfortunately for me, procrastination decided to “pop up” in my life around middle school and has hung around ever since. Procrastination basically controls my life. Instead of just putting off a school assignment every now and then, I put off every school assignment I am ever assigned, no matter the size or importance. I put off life events like getting my driver’s license. I even put off the simplest things like brushing my teeth before I go to sleep.

My chronic procrastination often means all-nighters to finish projects or late night cram-sessions before a big test. All of those all-nighters keep me constantly sleep deprived. I’m tired and stressed out all the time because I put unnecessary pressure on myself.

Surprisingly, most of the time I pull it off. I finish an assignment an hour before the due date and end up with a decent grade. I study for the first time the night before and pass the test the next day. My friends tend to get mad at me because they spent a week to do something I threw together in a night. But they can not understand the stress I feel. They don’t hear the incessant voice telling me “you can do better.” I know I can do better if I break up an assignment over a few days. I know I could have better work quality and actually be proud of the things I turn in. The mediocre “B” could easily turn into an “A” if I just spent more time and didn’t wait so long.

I am honestly not sure why I continue to procrastinate everything because I definitely do not like it. Yet, something inside of me urges me to keep doing it. No matter how hard I try to plan things and break assignments up, somehow I always end up wasting all my free time. I do useless things until I can hardly stay awake and then I realize I have a five page essay due the next morning. My brain usually seems to conveniently ignore that essay’s importance the whole time I watch Netflix. I don’t know why I do it and I definitely don’t know how to stop. My habits have caused me countless tears and even some awful anxiety. My friends see the stress it causes me and their advice is to “just stop procrastinating.” They mean well, but they are severely misunderstood. If only it was that simple.

I don’t think I will ever be completely “cured” from my procrastination, therefore I am trying to live with it. It has become a part of my lifestyle, whether I like it or not. I hope that by acknowledging and embracing it, one day I will be able to change my habits for the better.