Photo by Maddy Brown

Grant Baker dissects the best ways to pick an NCAA bracket.

[orginally posted Nov. 6, 2015]

Every sport will at least have one day that will forever live in infamy compared to the rest. Wednesday, October 11, 2015 was that day. With the entire state of Texas in an uproar, the Texas Rangers and Houston Astros were both eliminated from the Major League Baseball Playoffs in a heartbreaking fashion. I would like to clarify this by saying that game five of the American League Divisional Series, between the Texas Rangers and Toronto Blue Jays, was the greatest baseball game I have ever watched, specifically the seventh-inning. There was a wild call never seen, the Blue Jays protesting the game, two different bench clearing brawls, fans throwing trash on the field and hitting innocent women and children (what happened to the stereotype that all Canadians were nice?), and the greatest unraveling of a defense I’ve ever seen. This was all topped off with a game-winning three run home run by Jose Bautista, with a bat flip so savage, so disgustingly cool, that we may never see anything like it again. After the Shakespearean play that was game five, the world learned an important lesson that day: Canadians are the worst baseball fans. The only real way we can solve this is by destroying the Rogers Centre, packing their bags, and sending them off to a new city. Luckily, there are more than a few deserving candidates.

Montreal
I know about that incredible generalization I just made about Canada, but they can’t all be bad, right? I mean, Montreal does have some experience with having a team when they were home to the Montreal Expos from 1969 to 2004. They will have to build a new stadium, as their former field, Olympic Stadium, is in terrible shape, and has been, which was one of the reasons they left in the first place. So maybe with a new stadium this location isn’t too farfetched considering the demand from Expos fans. Plus, if the fans are as rowdy as Blue Jays fans, we won’t understand their cursing since they’ll mainly be speaking french. Au revoir Blue Jays.

Nashville
The music capital of the world is already home to the NFL’s Tennessee Titans and the NHL’s Nashville Predators (a name that is so dumb it makes me sad every time I read it). A baseball team would fit right in. With a high population, great atmosphere, and great music, Nashville seems really like a no brainer.

Portland
Hipsters rejoice. I believe the city of roses has a decent chance at getting an MLB team. Their professional basketball team, the Portland Trailblazers, and their professional soccer team, the Portland Timbers, have both had increasing attendance with both teams being in the playoff picture, which means the city is a not too shabby sports town. Not to mention being up the road from the city of Eugene, home to the world-famous University of Oregon Ducks, and thirty minutes from Nike headquarters in Beaverton, Oregon. Could the Portland Blue Jays have enough uniform combinations to last until the year 3344 like their duck friends? Time will tell.

Oklahoma City
Baseball could find great success with the Blue Jays moving to Texas’ doormat, also known as Oklahoma. The NBA has found this out with the large Success of the Oklahoma City Thunder. With tiny states like Nebraska and New Mexico not having very many sports teams to rally behind, the OKC Blue Jays can become the unsung heroes of the Midwest. Not to mention, the rivalry with the Blue Jays can increase exponentially simply because the team resides north of the Red River. Another Red River Shoot Out?

Albuquerque
At first glance, New Mexico does not seem like a very glamorous place for a pro baseball team. With a little over half a million residents (yet still being the largest city in New Mexico), Albuquerque is home to the University of New Mexico. Although the team has yet to win a championship in its 116 year history, the school is mainly known for its successful basketball team, who was 16th in average attendance in the 2014 season. Despite the loyalty shown to the Lobos, New Mexicans have never had a professional sports team to call home. The New Mexico Blue Jays will provide a team to unite the people of Albuquerque, who divide their allegiances among the Arizona Diamondbacks, the Colorado Rockies, and the Texas Rangers. My goal as armchair commissioner is obviously to provide peace and diplomacy to Major League Baseball.

Indianapolis
Sure it may not look as pretty as Montreal or Portland, but Indiana has a storied sports tradition, with the Colts and Pacers, and it’s about an hour away from the Indiana Hoosiers, one of the most revered and successful college basketball teams in the nation. So maybe the Pacers were 22nd in attendance last season but at least the Colts pack their stadium right? So maybe the Colts were 20th in attendance last season but the optimist in me likes to think that the Indianapolis Blue Jays can revitalize the city that’s already one of the top 20 cities in America.

Orlando
The happiest city on Earth seems like a great place for a team. They have a built in system of getting people in seats since the stadium would be minutes away from one of the world’s largest tourist destinations with Disney World. With a young, rebuilding basketball team, the Orlando Magic, both teams could spark the interest of sports fans and locals alike. Luckily for the Orlando Blue Jays, nothing can come close to being as bad as their neighbor, the Tampa Bay Rays. Maybe we can give them a catchier name. The Orlando Juice?  Any team that could have the slogan of Juice Up! would be beautifully ironic, and would earn them my blessing immediately.

San Jose
If the Athletics won’t leave Oakland, someone is going to have to take the fall, so why not Toronto? The San Jose Blue Jays will fit in great with their pro hockey team, the Sharks. To stick it to Oakland, San Jose will build the Jays a brand new stadium all to themselves. With the addition of a sixth MLB team in the state of California, the MLB will add the much needed changes to divisions and conferences, and realign them to form the ultimate division: the AL California Division. Each team will play a brutal 15 games against each other to decide the greatest team in the state. California will shut down for five days as the California Playoffs begin, confirming the tried and true opinion that it only matters how you play in the last two months of the season. Sorry, I might be getting a little ahead of myself. But yeah, San Jose is cool.

Austin
Am I biased because I’m a Texas Longhorns fan? Probably. However, a city that is host to some of the biggest festivals like South By Southwest and Austin City Limits will be able to handle large crowds. It also helps that Austin is the state capitol to the second biggest state in America in size and population. A third baseball team in Texas would make the fight for the Silver Boot Trophy, given to the Texas team who beats the other one the most times. Austin also has baseball experience with the Texas Longhorns being one of the most winning-est teams in America (there’s that bias again).

Las Vegas
Vegas is already known for their incredible skyline and their incredible partying too. Not to mention, the city is also known for hosting some of the largest boxing matches in the world with its extravagant arenas. This new stadium, which I will begrudgingly dub as ‘FanDuel Field’ considering the company is very in-your-face about semi-gambling (quite like Vegas itself), could easily become a hit. Similarly to the Rogers Centre, the current home of the Blue Jays, ‘FanDuel Field’ will have a hotel inside it where people can stay for outrageously high prices. With the NHL making serious talks about expanding to Sin City, the strip could get their first taste of professional sports. Could the MLB hit the jackpot by moving to Las Vegas?

San Juan, Puerto Rico
If the MLB is interested in expanding in other countries, the obvious choice would be to settle in one of the most crazed baseball places in the world. The origins of many of the best baseball players in the game began in South America. Children aspiring to represent Puerto Rico like baseball players Carlos Beltrán or Carlos Correa would now be able to experience world-class teams firsthand. So for the future of the MLB, consider the Capitol of Puerto Rico, San Juan. Do it for the children.