[WARNING: SPOILERS FOR LAST MONDAY’S EPISODE OF THE BACHELOR]
Here’s the previous weeks of Rose Watch in case you missed it.
Welcome again to another exciting week of ABC’s The Bachelor. After last week’s dumpster fire of an episode, the show found a way to redeem itself. Compared to the previous episode, this week felt like an entirely different show.
The Bachelor keeps continuing to destroy our intelligence by stooping to lower and lower levels. Who watches this show? Who is reading these articles? Are we just screaming into a void?
This episode was a dumpster fire, but in a different, more exciting way. Maybe it’s because we don’t have the emotional intelligence to understand it.
Speaking of emotional intelligence, we gotta give a moment of silence to the fallen heroes this week: Sarah and Astrid, who we ranked #9 and #12 respectively. I am still mourning the loss of Sarah. I really thought she would make it far. It still amazes me that Corrine is still on there, but Sarah isn’t.
One other woman went home this week, and it happened in the most explosive way possible.
After last week’s whirlwind adventure in MILWAUKEE, WISCONSIN, we end up in New Orleans.
THE DATES
- RACHEL’S DATE
As we successfully predicted last week, Rachel finally got her one-on-one date after getting the first impression rose week one. It was actually pretty boring, mainly because they walked around New Orleans and talked to each other. Even though the date wasn’t too exciting, I’m still really happy how far a black woman has made it, considering the show has a real problem with diversity.
- HAUNTED DATE
Why why why why why why did this date happen? Nick and the women traveled to one of the most exotic and beautiful locales imaginable: a plantation. Who let this slide by? Next, they hung out in this… plantation house? Eventually, they play with an expertly placed ouija board and find out the house is haunted — huge shocker. Then the date just… ends? Danielle M. the perfect woman, and eventual winner and/or future bachelorette, gets the group date rose which is great.
- THE TWO ON ONE SPECTACULAR
Welcome to the two-on-one date: a chess match of emotions and white wine. Two girls enter, one girl leaves, everyone is uncomfortable. As teased in last week’s episode, the stage was set for the challenger: Taylor, versus America’s favorite villain, Corinne. It’s the classic story of David and Goliath. Good vs. Evil. Light vs. Darkness. Donald Trump vs. a spray tan.
So, how did this date turn out? Nick, Corinne and Taylor all took a speedboat into a deep Louisiana swamp where they stumbled upon some sort of voodoo ceremony taking place — oh yeah, did you forget they’re in New Orleans?. They eventually get taken to a tarot card reading where Taylor and Corinne’s basic character traits that we knew already got revealed. While Taylor is seeing her future, Corinne performs a major power play by telling Nick she’s been “bullied” by Taylor for the past couple of days. Now Nick, being the beacon of fair and balancedness, kicked Taylor off. Welp, if you were hoping Corinne’s season would end, you’ll have to wait a little longer — probably next week.
It’s time once again for the BACHELOR POWER RANKINGS where we can rank each contestant. To rank high on our list, you have to be a mix of entertaining, funny, genuine and you have to actually seem like you might have a chance at winning Nick’s love. We’re down to 12 women, so our rankings are down to the top ten.
POWER RANKINGS
#1. RACHEL (#7 LAST WEEK)
Rachel received the only one on one date this week. They went on a date to eat beignets and danced with a second line band. It wasn’t the most extravagant date ever, but Nick and Rachel are so good together they don’t need anything elaborate to have fun.
#2. DANIELLE M. (#5 LAST WEEK)
How can you not love Danielle M.? She’s so sweet and always says the right thing. I think that the majority of us are rooting for Danielle M.
#3. CORINNE (#4 LAST WEEK)
We’re now experiencing a sensation I like to call “The Chad Effect.” Last season of The Bachelorette, Chad was such a buzzworthy and interesting contestant that we all lost sight of how mentally and physically abusive he was. Now, I’m not suggesting Corinne is like this, but boy am I so sick of EVERY EPISODE GETTING FOCUSED ON HER. I guess we’ll be seeing her again with Chad on Bachelor in Paradise this summer.
#4. RAVEN (#1 LAST WEEK)
Raven had a really good week last week, but she didn’t stand out this week. Raven did say she would “rebuke a ghost in the name of Jesus,” which was funny. Maybe next week she’ll have more time with Nick.
#5. DANIELLE L. ( #2 LAST WEEK)
Danielle L. didn’t really do anything this week. We just really like her.
#6. VANESSA (#3 LAST WEEK)
Vanessa had a sweet one on one date a few weeks ago, but they haven’t shown her as much since. We really like Vanessa and we think she would fit perfectly with Nick. Hopefully she will make it far in the competition.
#7. ALEXIS (#8 LAST WEEK)
Alexis has been banished to the post-credits sequence of the show forever now, but she continues to be great every time she’s on screen — this time making out with Nick wearing a Nicholas Cage mask which still has more personality than the actual Nick.
#8. JASMINE (#11 LAST WEEK)
Jasmine annoys me to no end. She’s always complaining and always has an attitude. It just seems like she doesn’t care about anything.
#9. JAIMI (#14 LAST WEEK)
I have no idea why Jaimi is still on the show. She doesn’t contribute anything to the show. She’s just there, but she did give us the best line of the week saying “I don’t believe in ghosts, but I do respect them.”
#10. WHITNEY (#13 LAST WEEK)
Whitney is really sweet and pretty but she doesn’t talk. I am shocked that she’s still left, because it seems like she never even talks to Nick.
Will Corinne PLEASE LEAVE ALREADY? Please? Why do we keep watching this show? Find out next week on ROSE WATCH.
Watch The Bachelor on ABC every monday at 8/7c.
