Growing up I obsessed over one thing: “High School Musical.” I had t-shirts, posters and I impressed people with my extensive knowledge of the series, challenging anyone to tell me something I didn’t know about the movies. I always dreamed of dancing on cafeteria tables, breaking social norms and performing on stage. Now even though I had those dreams, I pretty much stuck to the status quo. I went to school, played soccer and took piano lessons. People also told me that I couldn’t sing.

My parents halfway joked that they thought I couldn’t hear myself. Anytime I would sing in the shower my family would make fun of me, so I steered clear of doing anything with my voice. Going into high school I played in the band. I loved playing the flute and I loved the music, but I missed something. Long story short, I didn’t continue band after my freshman year.

All this time still listening to HSM, looking at memes and cool facts on Pinterest and watching the movie with friends. My sophomore year I took theater because my best friend pushed me to try it. I had always loved going to shows and I loved the idea of theater in general. However, musical theater showed up on my schedule.

The thought terrified me, yet also made me excited to start something new. Something I could do different from what I had always done. I could prove that my voice wasn’t as bad as everyone told me growing up.

On the third day of school, Ms. Alverson made all of us in the class sing in front of everyone. I sang a song from Sound of Music, super easy and repetitive. I thought I would take the easy way out. After I performed though, I felt like I should have pushed myself. So next time we did karaoke, I sang High School Musical.

From then on I continued to push myself. I acted in mainstage shows, continued in musical theater and even sang a solo at our end-of-year show, Cabaret. Then I found out we would put on HSM for our mainstage musical. I listened to the soundtrack, watched videos of other schools putting it on and got excited to do it. Now I am not the best singer or actress by any means, but this gave me confidence and knowledge that I could do it.

When auditions rolled around, I dreamed of the role I wanted and rehearsed my song over and over again. After I auditioned I felt pretty confident. Then the cast list came out. I didn’t get the role that I wanted, yes I cried, yes I walked away upset but then, I moved on.

People talked behind my back at the very beginning of the process. They made fun of how I sang and what I chose for my audition. Some people didn’t accept me as part of the cast just because I had a part in the chorus. Even when I acted as a lead in the last musical, no one treated me any different. The first few days of rehearsal, I didn’t want to hang out with the cast because of it. But I kept in mind that I still had the chance to perform in HSM, my childhood dream.

We started rehearsing, learning the songs and getting a grasp of what we had to do. Through all of this, I didn’t get excited. I lost sight of the fact that we got to do “High School Musical.” I got caught in the drama, too focused on what went on around me, what people were saying behind my back to remember how much this show meant. The closer we got to the show, the more I thought about quitting. I have never labeled myself as a quitter, but I kept wanting to. I felt like so many of my castmates hated me. People kept roping me into drama that I didn’t want. Overall the show exhausted me.

I didn’t like the show, not going to lie, I thought the show would turn out as a disaster. I didn’t advertise it on my social media and I didn’t invite people. About a week out I had this epiphany moment when I looked at my Pinterest and saw my board of HSM.

I realized I had lost sight of my dream.

From then on, I treated people differently. I overall acted differently to my castmates, I didn’t get frustrated at the little things and I saw the purpose of the show.

Before we went on to each show I told the group of brainiacs waiting to go on with me to not forget why we did this in the first place. To not forget the excitement they felt when we learned about the show. To remember we put on a show that everyone else wishes they could.

I don’t know if the group knew my background or knew how much I cared for the show, but I know that High School Musical remained such a big part of my life. It fueled my current love for theater. It showed me it’s okay to act different. It gave me hope for the future. I know it’s just a silly Disney movie but it shaped who I am today.

Because of HSM, I got to sing in front of hundreds of people. I got to dance on a table during stick to the status quo. I got to live my childhood dream.