I hate change.
Things that stay the same are my favorites, Christmas traditions, old movies, family friends whatever if it hasn’t changed in 10 years – I love it. But this year has been nothing but change, and I’ve had to learn to deal with it and embrace whatever comes my way. But this whole going to college and uprooting my life thing intimidates me — not going to lie.
Let me say this though, one thing that has stayed constant and has gotten me through high school is the God who loves me no matter what my situation is. His never-changing, always-present love has helped me through the sin-filled freshman year where I questioned him more than I should. It’s helped me through the stress of life when I couldn’t take any more things to do. He’s helped me through the tear-filled nights where all I could think about is the relationships I messed up and the non-existent ones I longed for with all my heart. And now I have to trust I’m making the right decisions and that without the safety net of high school, that He will help me in life.
I think I’m the only senior who doesn’t want high school to end so soon.
The relationships I formed, the memories I made and the fun I had to linger in my mind anytime I think about moving on, and I remain stuck in what happened. Flashes of conversations I’ve had over the years, memories of the games played in the journalism room and choreography learned in musical theater stay with me at night when I try to sleep or think about moving away. Because of my hate of change, I held on tight to the things I can keep for now. I cling to every day, every class period, every conversation I’ll have before it all ends. I long for one more month as EIC and one more show I can be a part of in a theater. Yes, some things happened within these red-brick walls that weren’t great, but I wouldn’t change what I went through or what I learned for anything.
I sit in the journalism room thinking about my life here. All the time I spent waiting for the computers to load, all the meetings held, all the pictures on the cabinets and how they’ve changed each of my three years on staff. Mainly – I remember all the people. Every editor that ripped up my stories, all the seniors my sophomore year that just sat and played Webkinz instead of doing work, the people that became my best friends over the years.
I learned that it’s not a room, or an activity, or any award that matters in the end – it’s the relationships you form. The people that you choose to spend time with, and the ones that choose to invest in you what matters in the long run. They are the ones who will stay and will be there for you. People are what you’ll remember.
To the incoming freshmen- I know it sounds cliche, but in such a short time you’ll watch senior sunrise, and eventually drive home from prom, realize your Pinterest is filled with photo ops you missed and hairstyles you never considered. So, enjoy the little moments and don’t stress over whether that boy likes you or not. It won’t matter in the end, and you’ll realize you missed out on life while you stress.
To next year’s seniors- you think you have senioritis now, well good luck Charlie. Take all the pictures, hug your parents extra tight, and get involved. You’ll want to remember all of this in the end. Also- if you set your expectations low and have a bad attitude about the year (you know the “ugh I just want to get out of here” and “I hate this place”) then this year will be worse than you thought.
When I first thought about the end of high school, I only thought of what I wished I would have done. All the events I could have gone to, the stories I could have dug deeper with or the people I could have been a little nicer too. But then I realized, I worked my hardest at everything I was in, I did all that I could and I enjoyed wherever I was at.
I hate change, but I’m learning to embrace where I am and look forward to what’s coming rather than what’s ending. I don’t know what I’m doing with my life or how to achieve dreams I have, but I know I’ll enjoy getting there.
As I end this somewhat emotional and all over the place blog, I feel like I need to thank people. Thank you of course to my family and Landry for always being there through these four years. Thank you, Mallett and D for all the lessons on AP style, grammar and most importantly how to be a good person and work hard. Thank you for all the friends and people who have stuck with me through times where I had attitude, ranted for hours and dealt with my moody self. Thank you, Katy, my best friend, for being there whenever I needed and listening to every single detail about my life, only calling me names about twice a day. I love every single one of these people and without them, I wouldn’t be where I am now.
Your EIC signing out.
