I’m not even supposed to be here. If things had gone the way I planned, I would never have set foot in the Legacy Journalism Room. My experiences at Summit had left me…cold to the idea of high school newspaper. But I was ready to move onto better and brighter things. Then Leland Mallett came…

It was a lot like in Lost, when Jacob would meet a castaway before they were on the Island and he would intervene in their lives and send them on a path that led to them crashing on a mystical island where they we would be constantly threatened with death and possibly damnation. That’s what Leland Mallett did to us. He deceitfully sent us on a path that would lead to danger, death and constant confusion and frustration. Also, time travel. And polar bears.

I had a lot of fun in newspaper, when I wasn’t working on the newspaper. Early on in my career, I managed to grab hold of the best job in the whole department; the Entertainment Editor. Basically that meant that I never had to write a real news story, interview people or keep a quote book. I have worked less than almost anyone else on the staff (I exclude Ian Cook) and yet I have also become one of the most popular and celebrated people there. I spend almost 90% of my time in newspaper class surfing the internet and talking to my friends, distracting them from their work. And when I absolutely, cannot goof off any longer, I sit at my desk for maybe 30 minutes, crank out a story in which I was embarrassed or sad and then I post it and everyone loves it and it becomes the most read story online that week.

Now, I realize that that’s not fair. I just don’t care. And besides, it’s all over now. I had quite the scam going on for the best three years but now it’s time for me to move on. I never learned how to use InDesign; I still couldn’t tell you the difference between a good lead and a poor lead and I know for a fact that almost half the kids on staff would do a better job at Entertainment Editor than me. And yet, this paper will suffer without me. The Rider will dip in quality and in hits without my personal columns populating the site. You guys needed me and now I’m leaving. I want to say that you’ll move on; learn to cope with my loss. But you probably never will; I will leave a black hole roughly equal to 700 Josh Perry’s. The Rider will never be able to recuperate after my loss. You’re welcome Leland. Goodbye, good luck and thanks for giving me a place to shine.