Clearly if you have stumbled upon this page you have been kidnapped by ghosts and need help to escape. By the way, I really did ask you not to go looking in haunted buildings, so I am liable for blame here. I will however help you out by giving you a few “useful” escape tips.
In the event you are cornered by the ghosts in a cave, you could rope a couple of sea turtles together, lash ‘em together and make a raft. The rope made, of course, out of human hair. Don’t ask me where to get the turtles. But only on the fourth day of being held hostage as the ghosts’ court jester.
Ghosts happen to love their court jesters and will never let them out of their sight. Ever. Ghosts don’t sleep. So if you have been assigned the position of court jester, you should develop a positive way of thinking about being captured by ghosts and held against your will. Here are a few jokes ghosts love (commence with cheesy ghost jokes):
– What would you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer.
– When do ghosts usually appear?
Just before someone screams.
– What kind of mistakes do spooks make?
Boo boos
– Why did the ghost cross the road?
To get to “THE OTHER SIDE”
– What did one ghost say to another?
Do you believe in people?
If your ghostly warden places you in a high tower with one window, and your name happens to be Rapunzel, you have two options. 1.) Wait for your prince to come save you (pffft, yeah right, you might become a ghost yourself before that happens), or 2.) Cut your hair off yourself and create a rope ladder out of hair and boogie on down.
If you have a cell phone, who ya gonna call? If you answered Ghostbusters, you are wrong. You should probably call the police… Especially if the ghost has feet that stick out from underneath a sheet. That being the case, you probably weren’t kidnaped by ghosts… Yeah, you should check that out.
In the event that you did check and the ghosts have feet, the first thing you should try if you don’t have your handy dandy cell phone with you, would be pulling off the sheet. If it works, the villain will admit defeat and the police will show up immediately to escort him to the correctional facilities. If the villain mutters something like “and I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for that meddling kid,” you might be stuck in a rerun of Scooby Doo.
And lastly, if the room the legion of ghost overlords lock you up in has a table and a mirror, you have all the tools you need to get out. I’ve said enough, the ghosts are coming for me, you figure it out for yourself from here.
