This list serves to educate people on Christmas gifts which should be avoided at all costs.
Books:
I was once given book six of the Harry Potter series for Christmas, a wonderful book I’m sure. The only problem- I hadn’t read any of the five books leading up to the sixth, a perfect example of clueless relatives. This type of gift acknowledges they know you well enough to realize you can read, but they don’t know much of anything else about you.
Clothing:
As children, the presents wrapped up underneath the Christmas tree possessed a magical quality; anything could hide inside the walls of brightly colored wrapping paper. The possibilities are endless- except, most children don’t envision underwear or socks inside. Even worse are the gifts that have been mailed in from distant relatives, who only guess at the size and style of clothing. Such a gift might explain the color of Timmy Turner’s hat.
Grow a boyfriend/girlfriend:
Quite possibly, the most insulting stocking stuffer or gift ever. And even though one of the websites offering this gift says “great for a friend who has just broken up/splitsville,” I would rather deal with an angry grizzly bear than deal with the consequences of giving this to a friend who was recently broken up with.
Holiday classics:
These include the annual Christmas sweaters, Christmas ornaments and fruitcakes. Personally, I don’t understand giving someone something they will only ever be able to use one time a year. You don’t see people wearing a Christmas sweater in September; then again, other than horrifying family Christmas pictures, you hardly ever see anyone under the age of 40 wearing a Christmas sweater. Same goes for the Christmas ornament, “Here you go, a lovely Christmas ornament, since Christmas is over I guess you can… Put it up next year?,” what, really? And fruitcake, well that’s a story all on its own.
Gift cards:
The gift card was invented for people who don’t want to put any actual effort into gift giving, but still want to look like they put some thought into it. A way of saying, “Here is money you can only use in one place, because no one can trust you with what you’d buy with real money. Also, it has an expiration date coming up soon because this gift card has a history of being passed around a few times.”
Snuggies:
Yes, the snuggie, slanket or whatever you call it continues to exist, and yes, it’s still a backward robe. I was given a snuggie for Christmas a few years back, and at first I thought it was somewhat ridiculous. I mean, the commercials for the snuggie suggested people would actually use their product in public. Now though, secretly, when I’m sure I’m by myself, I pull the snuggie off the shelf where I abandoned it years ago, and I lie to myself that just because I’m using the snuggie doesn’t mean that I haven’t lost my self respect.
