Photo by Creative Commons Flickr.com

With an increasing number of clown scares popping up around the US, TheRiderOnline Staff decided to compile this list in order help save your life in case of a clown-related emergency.

1. Fight him head on
2. Buddy system
3. Get tacos together
4. Dress like a cop
5. Be aware of your surroundings at all times
6. Beg for mercy
7. Try not to fall down a storm drain in the midst of your terror
8. Pick up a few classes in Karate or Jiu Jitsu
9. Bring your own mask to blend in
10. Throw down a banana peel
11. Dress as a clown to confuse them
12. Pepper spray: about $11 at Academy
13. Try to bond over your shared love for the movie “It”
14. Play Iggy Azalea
15. Initiate a glorious rap battle
16. Always park in well lit areas
17. Run for your life
18. Pray
19. Propose to them, they might say yes!
20. Run them over with your car at exactly 60.98 MPH
21. Rapidly throw pies at them with impressive force
22. Talk to them about your love life (or lack thereof)
23. Tell them a snake might be close by
24. Use AP style incorrectly
25. Have a deep, thought provoking conversation about why they’re doing this…. Then hit him in the face.
26. Offer to pay for their therapy
27. Eat pie with them
28. Ask if they’ve heard the Good News
29. Tell them they are not being the person Mr. Rogers knew they could be
30. Make them a Spotify playlist
31. Mourn over Harambe together
32. Give them a warm hug and buy them a donut at Twisty Donut
33. Persuade them into watching Bambi with you
34. Persuade them that you are Bambi and that you’ve been watching them
35. Tell them YOU are their father.
36. Talk to them about how inspirational Bill Nye the Science Guy is.
37. Tell them to stop clowning around
38. Make them feel self-conscious about their life choices
39. Call them bad names
40. Tell  them to learn about the REAL clowns
41. Ask them if they would like to experience the pure, wholesome aesthetic of the Sweet’N Low website
42. Show them wholesome memes
43. Call 911
44. Try to stay calm and think rationally
45. Ask yourself, what would John Cena do?
46. If you see it from afar, ask an adult to check it out and call 911
47. Initiate your special battle call
48. Pull flowers from your sleeve and present it to the clown as a gift/peace offering
49. Hire a bodyguard
50. Convince them to juggle by throwing balls at them
51. Fit them into a tiny car
52. Practice amplifying your screams
53. Trip them
54. Hope that they trip over their comically large shoes
55. Ask them about their political stance and the upcoming election
56. Keep a weapon, such as a taser, at the ready at all times
57. Ask them how to make balloon animals
58. Boop their nose
59. Serenade them with sweet music
60. Pull down their knee socks and make a run for it
61. Start crying (about Harambe’s tragic and untimely death) and hope for sympathy
62. Tell them to follow TheRiderOnline on Twitter and Instagram
63. Ask them for their opinion on declining Bee population
64. Tell them you are the Head Clown, this will confuse them
65. Summon anything to come help you
66. Begin singing the National Anthem as you slowly back away. They have no choice but to pause in respect for our nation.
67. Begin performing Gangnam Style
68. Impersonate Elvis
69. Discuss your favorite conspiracy theories
70. Show them a Jacob Sartorius video
71. Clap wildly and hope for the best
72. Ask them to take a selfie with you
73. Yell “Stranger Danger”
74. Invite them to the circus
75. Calm them with Bob Ross videos