As a kid, I had sleepovers all of the time with my grandparents, Grammy and Popa. I thought of them as my second parents because they helped raise me and tended to my young parents who were hard working. At this point, I might have been six or seven and I stayed the night at Grammy and Popa’s which was a weekly occurrence. However, I didn’t feel good this time. My stomach churned in pain and I didn’t have an appetite, my head throbbed. I didn’t even want to play with my stuffed animals.
When it comes down to it the night went well past my bedtime and I kept crying in pain and begging for my mom. Grammy kept holding and soothing me while I cried for my mom but told Grammy I wanted to stay. In my little seven-year-old brain, I wanted to be at Grammy and Popa’s, but I also wanted the comfort of my mom. I thought that mom could stay with me there, so I got the best of both worlds. I hated the idea of leaving Grammy and Popa’s, but I also just wanted my mom and wanted to be home. I wanted both things, but I knew I couldn’t have both. I had to choose. So to my dismay, she arrived and took me in her arms then put me in the car to take me home. I didn’t get a sleepover that night, but my mom took care of me while I was sick so I could make up the loss the next few days.
But that’s how I have felt these past few months. I long for the best of both worlds in every part of my life. I have cried and felt torn apart because I am choosing a lot of things but have not felt like I have balanced it all well enough and part of me is scared to lose what I have.
I am grateful and blessed with the people, activities and jobs in my life. I love serving and ministering to others while also learning and growing myself. The sad thing about it is coming to an end. My senior year is sweet but a lot of the things I do now will end by July. My high school career in journalism coming to an end, my internship at my church will resolve at the beginning of August and friends I love will become long-distance soon enough.
The things that have been a part of me for four years take their final bow. Just like me choosing my grandparents or my home, this choice is not an easy thing to do. I am not upset by this change but change regardless is hard. Going to college will be new and purposeful for me, but I am going to miss the things I have now.
I guess with the end of the year rounding the corner, I am thinking more about what all I will say goodbye to. I am making the difficult but right decision by leaving and making something new for myself, even though selfishly I want the best of both worlds. Senior year is hard it is mixing the end of my high school career with the beginning of my college career. Now, while I wouldn’t trade it for anything I am ready to move on, but like how I got to have another sleepover later on after I got well, I hope I can always come back to my high school days to visit and reminisce.
