The end of the school year approaches as my friends and I scramble to figure out where we’re attending in the fall, and I still can’t decide what to eat for lunch. People told me that my junior year would be my most difficult year of my high school career, but my second semester of my senior year proves everyone wrong.

It was January and I had been accepted to my first choice school, the University of Texas at Austin, with all intention of going, but I couldn’t do it. I accepted my third choice at the University of Texas at Arlington, and signed a lease on an apartment that begins three days after I graduate, forcing myself out of my parents comfort and into adulthood. It had to be done eventually, but as I count down the days, I begin to distance myself further from doing anything related to being an adult.

Senioritis seemed like a myth to me at the beginning of my final year, I always thought I would never be that student who lost her entire motivation to do anything remotely school related, but here I am. Here we all are. If I’d never seen previous classes graduate before, I would believe this years graduating class seems like the most unorganized. We have no idea what we’re doing, where we’re going, or how we’ll achieve our goals. And I know, each year produces students who have no clue, but this year we stick out.

The final three months isn’t hard because of coursework. It’s hard because I have to find the motivation to keep my future going. It’s hard because at this point all classes required to graduate have been completed. It’s hard because I’m sitting in elective classes that have no interest to me. It’s hard because I’m watching my friends flail around about which college they will have on their banner on college signing day.

I thought I was in a bad position when it took me two weeks to decide whether or not to accept Austin, eventually coming to the conclusion that if I accepted I would have no place to live for the entire summer, no close support system as my parents move to Colorado in May, and no job to support myself. But I wasn’t in a bad position. I watched my friends struggle to submit college applications before deadlines and pit schools against each other that had taken too long to respond with a decision. I watched my best friend miss out on her first choice of college at UT Austin, pay her deposit to Baylor, and then receive an acceptance to her second choice of college at UT Austin, leaving her all kinds of confused with three months to go.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had my fair share of fun within and outside of the school this year, it’s a year to remember. Bitter-sweet, honestly. But it’s highly stressful as it all comes to a close.

Your first choice may be what your heart sets itself on, but the logistics of it all tend to outweigh most of the aesthetics that come along with a first-choice school.