I have a key phrase, “I know how you feel,” if someone is talking about a person they love doing drugs. They tell me I do not understand, but unfortunately, I do.

People say I do not understand, but the truth is that I know more than I should.

It all took a toll on my family two years ago when we had an incident. I found my sister collapsed on the bathroom floor and thought she was dead. I suspected she had an addiction, but I did not understand the severity of it until that moment.

For awhile she was always around and would do everything with me, but eventually she started to disappear. The sister I had known wasn’t there anymore. Drugs isn’t the word I wanted to use when explaining why I did not talk to my sister as much as I used to. But I had to face it. It had become reality. The only people I cried to was my mom and my big brother, and they did not judge me for it. They were as scared and alone as I was.

“I felt alone, and I couldn’t tell your dad,” my mom said.

Kendall, a name that used to light up my world, now brings back bad memories. Over time I learned to not think about it and just go on with life, but that became harder and harder. She started saying she would do stuff with me whether it was taking me bowling or to the park, and I was so excited. To my surprise, one day she showed up late and ended up falling asleep on the couch and gave my hopes up. From then on I knew that whatever she told me was a lie. Stolen from, lied to, things couldn’t get worse right? Well that is what I thought.

“I will get better, I promise,” Kendall said before it happened. I remember sitting in the car with my grandma when she told me. “Kendall got arrested yesterday.” My mind started to race and my heart pounded out of my chest, the tears came in my eyes, but I didn’t dare let them out. I have been strong for so long, I can not break down now. The rest of the ride was silent, just some 70s music playing softly on the radio.

I remember visiting her for the first time, I was disgusted, but most of all, embarrassed. I could not look her in the eyes, and I could not couldn’t talk to her. All I could do was cry.  I did not want to end up like her. I cried for the entire 45 minutes and then some. I could not wrap my mind around it, the fact that she would not be there for my 14 birthday, or my first day of high school. She was was not there for our last Christmas because she was in rehab, and she definitely won’t be at this Christmas. It was hard to think about, and I could not accept it.

I would not wish this upon anybody, it was a horrible thing to deal with. “Don’t tell mom and dad, okay?” That sentence kept racing through my mind, and finally I burst. I told my parents everything I had kept a secret. It weighed me down and now that my sister was locked up, I felt the need to tell. It made me feel better, but again it brought back the bad memories., The memories I did not did not want to remember.

Since then, Kendall my sister has transferred to three different facilities. I am still coping with the fact that I do not have a normal relationship with my sister as my friends do with theirs. I will one day be reunited with Kendall and we can work on our relationship, but from now on, I have one message I want to spread.

Do not do drugs to be cool or to relieve struggles in your life. It gets you nowhere. It makes everything so much worse, not just worse for you but also for the people who love you. So please, if you’re going through anything in your life please talk to someone you trust. Talk to the counselor, your friends or remember my name because I will be there to listen to you. If you need help getting off of anything admit you need help and you will get the help you need. However, time is important when helping yourself. It takes time to get through it all but we have faith in you, your friend, or even a stranger you know. You can do it.